Congrats, Adam & Steve, You’ve Killed Us All

And now, from the state that brought you indoor smoking bans, actors-turned-politicians, and “Immigrants Crossing” freeway signs. . .

California has legalized gay marriage!

Now, if what I’ve been hearing from Republicans, right-wing pundits, evangelical preachers, and other change-fearing morons is correct, the world should be ending any day now.  I am personally looking forward to this, because I hate people (never heard my personal motto?  It’s “I Hate People”) and am quite frankly tired of sharing the planet with 7 billion of them.  I hope it’s a literal end of the world, and not just a de-evolution into some post-apocalyptic wasteland.  Mel Gibson having “Mad Max” flashbacks is more than us survivors of the catastrophe really want to deal with.

Waiting. . .

Still waiting. . .


While I’m waiting, I might as well mention another benefit of gay marriage:  the destruction and dissolution of male-female marriages worldwide.  There are a lot of hot women out there that got married before I knew they existed (I’ve seen them on and with the advent of gay marriage apparently causing the destruction of straight marriages, I now have a chance with Idaho housewife Mrs. Crotchfire, Texas housewife TheSuckfordWife, and UK-born EnglishRoseHotSex.  So, straight marriages, get to collapsing!  Gay marriage is legal in the world’s 7th largest economy now, so get those divorce papers in!

Waiting. . .

Still waiting. . .

Also still waiting for the end of the world. . .hoping that at least holds off until I get to nail at least two of the hot housewives. . .

While I’m waiting for that, I’ll talk about another predicted consequence of the legalization of gay marriage:  our children becoming gay.  Actually, there’s an unforeseen bonus to that:  if all our children are gay, there will be little to no next generation of children in the world!  The benefit of that?  We can now pollute the environment as much as we want!  With all our children being gay, no one will be here to suffer through the eventual destruction of the climate!

Aw man. . .I hope that’s not the predicted end of the world.  That’s too slow for my tastes.  I need something a bit faster.  But not faster than the processing time for divorce papers.

Still waiting. . .

Still waiting. . .

I should really check the date on that article. . .oh.

Well, shit.

Gay marriage has been legal in California for almost two weeks now, and nothing’s happened.  No sudden spike in the divorce rate in this country, no world-ending catastrophes, no little boys suddenly playing with Barbie dolls and putting their G.I.Joes aside (to be picked up by the little girls who put their Barbies aside).  Man.  It’s like all those fear-mongering, power-hungry Republicans and preachers and pundits were just afraid of a changing world. . .or maybe they just needed to demonize something to keep you afraid and not actually thinking about the things they say and do.

Congrats, Adam and Steve, and America itself:  we’re all a little bit closer to being a truly free and tolerant people.



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