Coloradobama! (While I Was Sleeping, Part One)

I go away for two and a half weeks – okay, closer to three – and the world explodes.

Well, let’s get started catching up, eh?  This will be the first catching-up post; it’ll take several for me to get fully caught up.

And what better place to start than. . .the Democratic National Convention!

1.  Senator Joe Biden named as Obama’s running mate I have to admit, I was really expecting to see Hilary or Kaine get the VP nomination, so Biden was a little of a surprise.  However, it was a solid choice.  Biden has much more experience in Washington than Obama does, is renowned as a foreign policy expert, and has a pretty solid Democratic voting record.  Sorry kids, no joke here; Obama made a good choice that strengthens his perceived weaknesses.  I predict that, after the end of the Democratic Convention, John McCain will make a choice similarly designed to shore up his own weaknesses, someone so fully and thoroughly vetted as to not cause any controversy by their mere presence.

2. Michelle Obama Speaks – Michelle Obama, wife of Barack, gave an excellent speech on Monday night at the convention, bringing herself and her husband down to earth (he usually floats about three feet above the earth), showing us the people behind the ideals, and making her family’s patriotism clear, in response to the allegations that they aren’t “patriotic enough.” She did all this in fifteen minutes, which is pretty impressive, but then, sadly, she blew it at the end by saying, “We appreciate your support, you cracker bastards.” By the way, the dress that Michelle Obama wore was created by Maria Pinto, a designer in Chicago and was widely praised amongst people who care about such things.  She was also praised for a dress she wore on a summer appearance on The View , which cost her $148.  I only mention this because it’s a sharp contrast to the $300,000 dress Cindy McCain wore for her speech at the RNC a week later (though, to be fair, in order to be prepared for Hurricane Gustav, Cindy McCain’s dress did include neck levees).

3.  The Clintons:  Losing With Style – Oh, Hilary.  You may not have won the nomination, but you’re still my favourite female Democrat.  Look at it this way:  if you’d won, the media would have found out about our clandestine affair, and we would have had to stop. . .plus, that would have also meant Bill would have had to stop sleeping with my sister, and we all know how cranky Bill is when he’s not gettin’ some on the down-low.

Hilary, I was so so proud of you when you pledged your support for Barack Obama over and over again during your speech on the second night of the convention!  What class, I thought.  What grace! What time is this convention over so she can come back to me at the Motel 6 in Aurora? And never mind the naysaying pundits who claimed you weren’t ardent enough in your passion to convince them you really are supporting Obama; apparently, anything less than you blowing him onstage would not have been enough for them to let go of their self-aggrandized, ratings-seeking, out-of-proportion-with-reality Democratic “split” melodrama.  Besides, we both know how passionate you were that night (by the way, the scratches and bite marks are healing nicely; thank you for the flowers, but the singing-telegram apology was unnecessary).

Aside from Bill’s being a bit slack-jawed during earlier speeches, he did a great job as well during his own speech on Wednesday night, at least in terms of not fucking up.  (Also in that clip, John Kerry demonstrates a conciseness and willingness to speak openly about an opponent’s faults that would have really helped him in his past, say, about four years ago.)

Hilary, you may have lost this one, but I know you:  you don’t give up on what you want, not even when what you want has just come off a 12-hour shift at work and you’ve already been going at it for 8 hours, and I know you’re not giving up on the Presidency.  The rest of the country will see you again in 2012; I’ll see you again on Tuesday.

By the way, keep an eye on Chelsea.  She’s gotten pretty hot.

4.  Joe Biden Brings Some Pain – I’m not sleeping with Joe Biden; make of that what you will.  But it does say something when even the opposition praises you as a choice of running mate.  Wait, I take that back.  It says something when Republicans praise you.  During their entire convention, the Democratic speakers were very respectful of John “Insane” McCain and didn’t attack him personally.  They chose instead to attack him on the issues, his closeness with the President, and his voting record of 95% agreement with the man he’s trying so hard to distance himself from, which I thought was very decent, respectful, and honourable of them. Certainly the Republicans will extend the same courtesy in their own convention next week.

But, as mentioned above, the real reason Biden was put on the ticket is for his strength in areas in which Barack Obama is weak, and not just in terms of exerience and policy. Biden is, according to one Republican operative, deadly in political battle:  “McCain knows Biden well. He knows how good he is as a knife fighter. He’ll take McCain apart.”  That’s something Obama is weak in, and he’s going to need someone who can fight dirty, just in case the Republicans try spreading lies and misinformation about him (although I’m sure that, since they present themselves as the Christian, “family values” party, they certainly wouldn’t do that).

Go get ’em, Joe!  Remember, if you can’t attack the Republicans for Obama, he’ll have to remove you from the ticket and replace you with The Ninja from

5. Three Days Later, Senator Obama Rose From His Tomb – And finally, the part of the convention everyone had been waiting for:  Obama’s acceptance speech, delivered at Mile-High Stadium (some call it Invesco Field, but I’m not doing any free advertising for Invesco.  I’m not even mentioning Invesco’s name or linking to their website at  Take that, Invesco!).  Introduced with a stirring bio-clip, Senator Obama electrified the crowds with a rousing speech in which he clarified his policy stances, made the lion lay down with the lamb, labeled John “I’m Not Insane, It’s Just Senile Dementia” McCain as being “out of touch” with America, healed the sick and the lame, expressed faith and hope in the American Dream and people, made the sun come back out, laid out his view of a better America, and bravely left the stage with his head held high, knowing full well, due to his precognitive powers, that he would soon be stabbed in the side by Senator Joseph “Longinus” Lieberman and crucified by Sarah “Pontius” Palin.

What a guy, eh?

It was a good convention for Barack Obama, and showed a civility and respect towards one’s opponents that is, sadly, largely absent from modern politics.  I ended the night well-assured that this convention, already historic in many respects, had ushered in a new age of American politics, in which personal attacks were disdained and politicians actually debated over the issues, where truth was both sword and shield for each candidate, and lies and  misinformation took a stretch-limo backseat to presenting Americans with honest viewpoints and letting the people decide for themselves.

Then I woke up on the fateful morning of Friday, August 29, 2008, to find John “Quit Making Fun Of My Mental State” McCain, had finally chosen his vice-presidential candidate, and it was. . .oops, out of space.  More later. . .

VS – 09.10.08


4 Responses to “Coloradobama! (While I Was Sleeping, Part One)”

  1. Oh Pandem…

    There aren’t words to describe how I felt upon reading your wisdom. You’re very lucky its your blog or I’d break it down by what I agreed with or disagreed with. I thoroughly enjoyed it!


  2. vagabondsaint Says:

    You’re probably not going to like the next six entries, then. . .

    You did read my disclaimer, right? If you didn’t, it’s right here:

  3. LOL I’m sure I will, I possess the ability to enjoy points of view I don’t always agree with. It’s how I survive parenthood.

  4. I must protest against the slander of both Longinus and Pontius Pilate. How dare you associate Lieberman and Palin with them? (Oh, I realise the alliteration was irresistible; but Brutus might have been a better choice for Lieberman, and as for Palin, I’ll leave that subject well alone.)

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