News I’m Pretty Sure I Made Up

Well, kids, having moved into a new residence with people I actually like, I find myself with the time to write again on current events.  The problem is, my persuals of recent news items have left me wondering if I have somehow lost my grip on reality and have begun hallucinating while awake.  Some of these things just can’t be real.

For example, anyone that knows me knows that I would replace half the books on the shelves today with love comic books.  However, when I read the story about Spider-man saving an autistic child from a ledge in Thailand, I’m pretty sure I was drunk or hallucinating.

While I, like many Americans, have harbored various fantasies of Frank-Castle-like  punishments upon our corrupt and greedy financial executives who killed the world’s economy (though I’m not stupid enough or violent enough to actually make threats upon their lives).  After reading a resignation email by an executive who felt unfairly persecuted for the actions of others in his company, I’m pretty sure my reading about French workers taking a 3M executive hostage was just a vengeance fantasy.  (By the way, Mr. DeSantis, punishing in thought and/or deed an entire class of people for the acts of a few of its members is called either “stereotyping,” or “profiling,” depending on who you ask.  Either way, welcome to being a persecuted minority in America.)

Between packing, moving, unpacking, and arranging, I’ve been fanatically devouring watching epsiodes of canceled HBO atypical Western Deadwood (and if you’ve never watched it, I recommend it very very very very very highly).  I figure that me being so inundated with the Old West is why I dreamed/hallucinated/drank my way into believing that I’d read an article in the New York Times about the resurgence of cattle rustling in some states.  Really?  Cattle rustling?  I must have been making that up.

The saddest part of all these things that emerged from my subconscious?

That Cloris Leachman writing about “epic” sex with Gene Hackman in her authobiography was not a nightmare of mine; in fact, it really happened.

I’m never dreaming/drunk/hallucinating when I really, really want to be.

VS -3.26.09

P.S.  Really, go watch Deadwood.  It’s only 36 episodes and well worth the time.  Leave your ability to be offended by harsh language, occasional violence, and bare body parts at the door, and you’ll have be grateful to me for the rest of your bloody life.

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