Archive for May, 2010

Wonderful (Woman) Wednesday

Posted in comic books with tags , , , , , , , , , , on May 28, 2010 by vagabondsaint

I don’t normally buy action figures.  Oh, I used to buy any figure that struck my fancy, and I am even now plagued by cardboard boxes full of figures that I can’t quite bring myself to toss out or sell but I have neither room nor desire to display anymore.  It was with that mindset that I made a moratorium against purchasing new figures, except for those of either Batman or Final Fantasy, and even then, only if they were really well-sculpted.  With those stricture in place, I haven’t bought an action figure in at least two years, and haven’t really been tempted (okay, so I was really tempted when the Watchmen figures came out, but I managed to beat that urge back. . .by which I mean I really couldn’t afford them) to buy new ones.

Until two weeks ago.

That was when I was at the shop, opening new shipment boxes, and laid my hungry eyes upon her:

Ame-Comi Wonder Woman v2

Hot damn.

I like Wonder Woman, but it’s never been on the level of my interest in Batman, Grendel, Dawn, or John Constantine.  She’s probably the most famous female superhero ever, and certainly every bit as beautiful as whichever artist is drawing her at the time can make her, but with the exception of the Blackest Night Wonder Woman figure, I’ve never been tempted to buy a figure or statue of her, like I have of, say, Dawn.

Until I saw this one.

This is from DC’s Ame-Comi line of figures, which is, in a nutshell, DC Comics characters re-imagined with a strong Japanese influence.  Previous figures in the line included Black Canary, Huntress (the Huntress was pretty sweet too, and wearing a purple-and-black costume. . .allllllllllllllmost got me!), Catwoman, Donna Troy, Power Girl, Poison Ivy, Catwoman again, and Batman, appearing as the thus-far only male figure in the line.  (I was really tempted to buy the Batman too, and still might.)

So what do I like about this wonderful Wonder Woman figure?

Yes, I know she’s wearing a Wonder-Woman-ized version of Princess Leia’s slave outfit for Star Wars.  I have to admit, though, I like the stylized “w” on the chest better than her current logo.  I like the more colourful, more intricate bracelets (they’re normally depicted as solid silver or black).  I like the body sculpt; it’s more voluptuous, curvy, and feminine than some other female figures that look painfully thin and have cantaloupes glued to their chests.  (Looking at you, Superman/Batman Supergirl.)  I love her pose – she returns triumphant from the field of battle with a Gorgon’s head in her hands; she has defeated the beast that paralyzed and defeated many before her and did it without getting a scratch.  She is confident, sexy, determined; she is strong, she is feminine, and she does not give a good goddamn what you think of her outfit.

But what I really love about this figure, what really really made the decision for me to buy it, is the face.

Ame-Comi Wonder Woman v2 close-up

The upturned chin, the almond-shaped eyes, the thoughtful expression – she has an exotic beauty in her face, and that pushed me over the line into buying the figure.

Unfortunately, the three of them that G. had ordered were all already spoken for.

So, I had him order more (and there is absolutely no truth to the rumours that I made him do so at gunpoint; I don’t even own a gun, or more than one or two reasonable facsimiles) and waited patiently for the reorders to come in.

They finally did this past Wednesday, and I bought my first action figure in two years.

She is in place now, in my bedroom, on top of a storage cabinet, next to a statue of Wonder Woman that I bought for someone else but ended up stuck with.  Maybe I’m getting a Wonder Woman collection going; it’s certainly a possibility if J. M. Stracynzski (I spelled that without looking it up, so I may have blown it completely) does as excellent a job of portraying her in her comic, starting next month, as he did in last month’s The Brave and the Bold #33 (get a copy if you can; it sold out within a week of publication purely on the basis of having one of the most excellent single-issue comic stories I’ve seen in years).

But for now, I have my Wonder Woman statue and Ame-Comi Wonder Woman figure and I’m good.  I’ve had my action-figure splurge.

Besides, she reminds me of a real,  genuinely wonderful, exotically beautiful woman I know. . .

VS – 5.28.10

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Cover Letters #1

Posted in comic books with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 13, 2010 by vagabondsaint

On occasion, a comic book sometimes has a, shall we say, less than impressive cover.  Sometimes the fault is bad art, bad composition, too many words, not enough words, etc.  Sometimes it’s just one little  thing, sometimes it’s just everything all at once.

Either way, this is where those covers go to get mocked critiqued mocked and critiqued.  Let’s go!


The Adventures of Racist Captain America:

Racist Cap
“THERE’S A NEGRA ON MY LAWN! THERE’S A NEGRA ON MY LAWN! GET OFF MY LAWN, NEGRA! THIS HERE’S ‘MERICAN LAWN FOR ‘MERICANS!”

Racist Cap 2
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! DON’T KILL ME, NEGRA, DON’T KILL ME!!!!!! I’LL VOTE FOR ‘BAMA NEXT TIME I SWEARS!!!!

Lumps In Her Junk:

“With great power comes great responsibility. With mutant power comes, um. . .mutant body deformation?”

Kaare Andrews is, by all accounts, an awesome artist.  His covers for Incredible Hulk during Jenkin’s run are part of the reason I bought it.  Knowing Kaare is awesome makes this terrible cover all the more puzzling.  The Beast’s forearms and calves are as big around as Cyclops’ chest, Storm’s hips look like God designed her curves with a T-square and she couldn’t decide what colour shirt to wear for the photo shoot, Cyclops looks even dorkier than normal, and Emma Frost. . .somehow, Kaare Andrews managed to do what numerous villains, writers, and artists couldn’t: he made the White Queen unattractive.  Did her power change from telepathy to mutant cellulite?  Seriously, look at her!  She has lumps in her junk!

WTF?
“Lumps in her junk (OH!), lumps in her junk (OH!) What the hell? She got lumps in her junk! (OH!)” – unreleased MC Hammer remix

Not that there is anything wrong with cellulite of hard-to-wrangle fat deposits; there isn’t.  But wearing spandex over said deposits is a crime against humanity’s eyeballs.  Drawing spandex over them is even worse.  The only way the main women of this cover could have been made less attractive was if Andrews had given Storm a mohaw- aw shit, he did that too.

Come on, Kaare.  You can do better.

I’m Guessing That Bucky and Namor Maybe Use Right Guard?

Does anyone else actually remember old commercial jingles, or am I just sad?
“Confident! Confident! Dry and secure! Raise your hands, raise your hands. . .”

If anyone else gets that joke, my existence will be validated.

Good with guns, but snappy comebacks?  Not so much. . .

“. . .and you’re drunk, ma’am. But tomorrow morning you’ll be sober, and I’ll be. . .wait. . .”

VS – 5.13.10