Archive for good

The Good, The Bad, And The F***ing Bizarre #2: Of Groped Mice, Angry Men, Anti-Racist Geckos And Kiddy-Porn-Lovin’ Cats

Posted in evil cats, media failure, politics, randoma, the complete opposite of brilliance with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 11, 2009 by vagabondsaint

Welcome to the next installment of The Good, The Bad, and The F***ing Bizarre!

The Good: Geico Saves A Bunch Of Money

Geico Insurance announced today that it would be saving itself a bunch of money by no longer advertising on Glenn Beck’s short bus to Crazytown FOX News show!

Not looking at Glenn Beck

Not looking at Glenn Beck

Mr. Beck claimed last week on long walk off a short, insane pier Fox And Friends that President Obama is a “racist,” with a “deep-seated hatred of white people, or white culture.”  He, of course, offered no evidence to back up this claim, unless one considers the deep, abiding love and respect that Obama has for his late Caucasian mother and grandparents to be indicative of a secret hatred for them.

Don’t bother re-reading that.  It won’t make any more sense the second time.

Beck later came 3 steps back down the nutjob ladder clarified his statement by saying that he never said that Obama doesn’t like white people, only that he hates them, and that Obama “has a problem.”  Somebody has a problem, and it has something to do with a lack of a dictionary.

The walk-back didn’t do enough to appease, well, any thinking person, leading to several petitions and movements calling on advertisers to stop supporting Beck’s crazy-tinged hate speech show by pulling advertising.  Geico responded to one of these, emailing ColorOfChange to notify them that they had pulled their advertising as of August 4.  Men’s Wearhouse and Sargento have likewise announced that they have pulled their advertising from the idiot parade Beck’s show.

So, let’s here it for advertisers finally taking some responsibility for the content of the shows they sponsor, eh?  I think that’s pretty good!

The Bad: Health Care Reform Town Hall Protests

I’m all for civil discourse, and we should all have the right to question our elected officials and get answers from them.  It’s a free exercise of the First Amendment, to voice our concerns.  That’s part of what America is all about, right?

So what’s my problem with the people who are protesting at town halls?

Well, aside from their being so ignorant as to not know that Medicare is socialized medicine run by the government, their stated tactics of being loud, disruptive, and shouting whenever anyone, including the elected officials, tries to speak are the complete opposite of what the First Amendment stands for.  They are denying the same rights they claim to be exercising to others, which is about as unpatriotic as one can get.  Your rights do not include to right to trample on someone else’s rights.

I’m not going to say more about than that these protests are a bad thing, for both the health care debate in particular and America in general.  If you’re wondering why I say that, just wait until one of these Astroturf protests comes to serious blows and people start getting hurt or killed.  It’s coming, I promise.

The F***ing Bizarre: Bizarre Games Of Cats And Mice

Two very strange things for this one.

The first,and a great thanks to my best friend for bringing this to my attention, is the Florida man arrested for possession of child pornography, after police found over 1,000 such images on his personal computer.  This is, so far, remarkable only for the ongoing exploitative debacle that is the stain in humanity’s underwear commonly known as child pornography.

Where it gets interesting is the man’s excuse for the pornography being on his computer:  his cat did it.

I swear, I am not making that up.

The man claims that his cat downloaded the images by “jumping on the keyboard” when he left the room.

Any time that you think your cat hates you, just remember:  it hasn’t yet tried to frame you for a crime that will get you shanked in the prison yard.


The second item of note is again from Florida, but involves a man getting too friendly with a mouse. . .specifically, Minnie Mouse.

A 60-year-old Pennsylvania man has been convicted of misdemeanor battery for groping Minnie Mouse, or rather, a woman in a Minnie Mouse costume, at Walt Disney World in Orlando. According to the accosted woman, she “had to do everything possible” to keep his hands away from her chests.  You know, there’s just so many jokes that could be made here, but out of respect for what was no doubt a traumatizing experience for that poor lady, I’ll refrain.

I do believe I have said before that furries are harmless.  Let me amend that:  most furries are harmless.


That’s it for this installment. . .till next time, please try to avoid watching Glenn Beck, being an idiotic ass at a town hall meeting, being framed for a serious felony by your cat, and feeling up anybody in an anthropomorphic animal costume!

I’ll see the ones of you that manage to do all of that next time!

VS – 8.11.09

The Good, The Bad, And The F***ing Bizarre #1: Human Kindness And Animal Cruelty

Posted in brilliance, the complete opposite of brilliance with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 27, 2009 by vagabondsaint

First, the bad.

So, you’re given a puppy as a gift from a lover, who, in the course of time, becomes an ex-lover.  But you know the puppy is blameless in this and keep it and take good care of it, right?  Alternatively, perhaps you feel that the puppy is a painful reminder of the relationship, and decide to give it away to someone who will take good care of it.  Both are perfectly reasonable courses of action (and good reasons not to give pets as a romantic gift).

“Reasonable” is apparently not in Krystal Lewis’ vocabulary.

According to the Muskogee County (Oklahoma) sheriff’s department last month, Krystal had a friend, one Austin Mullins, kill the Jack Russell terrier given to her by an ex-girlfriend, by shooting it 10 times with a .22 pistol.  Aside from the friend’s poor markmanship (or sadism, but I didn’t want to think about that), I think he showed extremely poor judgment in agreeing to kill the puppy.  While the court-appointed psychologist is there for Lewis’ competency hearing, they should probably take a crack at Mullins too.

So.  Puppy’s dead, painful relationship reminder removed, problem solved, right?

Oh no.  No, no, no.  Just killing the puppy because she didn’t get along with her ex-girlfriend wasn’t good enough for Lewis.

Get ready.  Take a seat, and try not to eat anything before you read the next part.

Ready?  Do not proceed until you are.

All set?  Here we go.

After it had been shot 10 times, Lewis skinned the puppy and placed the hide on a board to cure, with the intent of making a belt out of it.  She was going to make a belt out of a slaughtered puppy.  Let’s skip the competency hearing and just go to the “my client is batshit insane” defense strategy.  Not that I’m certain that defense will succeed, but, given the details of the case, I could see it working well.

There are, occasionally, stories I read that even I cannot believe, and I’ve seen (and been) a lot of of strangeness in my life.  This would be one of them.  This would also be an occasion upon which I cannot think up a punishment vile enough for a criminal, which is also quite rare.

(By the way, this is only the second-most horrific story I’ve read in the past month.  The first is so gruesome I don’t even want to talk about it.  You can read it here.)

Now, the no-doubt-extremely-welcome good.

Raising thousands of dollars to feed the homeless is awesome.  Doing it through can collecting and small donations in two months is amazing.  Doing both while being a five-year-old is incredible.

Phoebe, a five-year-old girl from San Francisco, did it. After seeing a homeless person on the street, a sight which most of us adults have learned to either tune out completely or disregard after tossing some change their way, Phoebe decided really do something.  She started by writing 150 letters to friends and family members, requesting they give her soda cans to turn in for money, which would be given to the San Francisco Food Bank.  After 50 initial repsonses, word got out and donations of cans and cash started coming in to her daycare.  When possible, Phoebe took the time to respond to every single donation, no matter how small, showing she has excellent manners in addition to a huge heart.

Last month, Phoebe handed the results of her efforts over to the executive director of the SFFB in a handmade, hand-coloured (and hand-stickered) pencil box.  The total amount? $3736.30, which will feed 18,000 homeless people, according to the director.  (I’d love to know where they do their shopping.)

Little Phoebe is truly an inspiration, proof that kindness and compassion need not be limited by age and that, while one cannot perhaps not solve a large issue alone, every little bit helps, and great things can come from small origins.  If this story doesn’t touch you, you have no heart at all and should probably change your last name to Scrooge.  That, or your name is Snidely Whiplash and you should probably untie the screaming woman and get her off of the railroad tracks now.

By the way, what have you done to help others today?

Now that you’ve cried tears of pity for a puppy and joy for big-hearted little girl, it’s time to sit back, relax, and say, “WTF?”

On Friday, July 24, police in Dearborn, Michigan, entered a home from which a very strong odor had been emanating.  Neighbours had made complaints about the odor before, but this was the first time officials had managed to get into the home.  What they found had them reaching for the respirators.

The poor police officers found trash stacked “from floor to ceiling in places, and feces and urine” everywhere in the house.  That’s a pretty sharp contrast from the “neatly cut lawn and manicured bushes” outside of the home, providing yet another reason not to trust people who value appearance over substance.

They also found dogs – lots of them.  112, to be exact, all chihauhuas or chihuahua mixes, which took three days to be rescued from the house.  112 dirty, feces-covered, flea-infested, long-nailed dogs.  Interestingly enough, the dogs were in relatively good health, according to a spokesperson for the Dearborn Animal Shelter.

Well, those dogs were.

The 150 dead dogs found in the freezer were, obviously, not doing as well.

The resident of the home, who has not been named, was taken to a hospital for observation and could face America’s first death penalty for animal cruelty, given the extraordinary number of charges he’ll be looking at if he’s found mentally competant to stand trial.   He apparently does suffer some mental impairment from a childhood illness, and lived in the house alone after his parents moved to Florida.  Puts kids throwing a party while their parents are on vacation into perspective, doesn’t it?  “Well, sure, little Jimmy’s party caused $15,000 in property damage, but what the hell, at least he didn’t keep 150 dead dogs in the freezer.  We only found three, so we got lucky there.”

Out of curiosity, how loud, and how unimaginably annoying, would the sound of over 100 yapping chihuahuas be?  If he wasn’t batshit insane when he got the dogs, he almost certainly must have been after a month or so of that.

But, you know, what the hell.  At least he didn’t make belts out of them.


And that does it for this installment of “The Good, The Bad, and The F***ing Bizarre.”  Please join me for another installment as soon as I read more stuff that blows my mind, assuming I survive the massive bender required to wipe the bad and bizarre from this installment out of my head.

VS – 7.27.09