Archive for it puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose

Catching Up

Posted in economics, media failure, politics, ramble, religion, war with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 20, 2008 by vagabondsaint

Oh boy, lots to catch up on.

I’ve been sick for most of the week with sinus issues, so I’ve missed a lot of news. Not to worry, though; I’m feeling better now and ready to share with you my opinions of the general crap pulled by our government, the media, presidential candidates, and airhead Fox News anchors.

Let’s start with the double-bitchslap given to the Bush Administration last week by the Supreme Court. First, the court ruled that Guantanemo Bay detainees do in fact have the right to question and protest their detainment in front of a civilian judge, instead of the secret military tribunals. This restores to them the right of habeas corpus, which the administration has been denying to them for years now. We’ll see if they get it, though; the Supreme Court has made this ruling three times in the past four years and still been ignored by the administration. (For those unsure of how these things work, here’s a quick primer: the legislative branch makes the laws, the judicial branch interprets the laws, and the executive branch ignores both and does whatever the hell it wants. Don’t we have checks and balances for a reason?) Second, if you followed the link above, you may have noticed a tiny but important paragraph at the bottom, which comprises the backswing of this double-bitchslap: the Court found that American citizens that commit crimes in Iraq can be turned over to Iraqi courts for trial and do not have the right to petition American courts for their freedom. That’s small, but significant; it means the bastards at Blackwater, the mercenary firm contracted by the US Government for security work in Iraq, can from this point on be tried in Iraq for what they do there, which I’m sure is a relief to the Iraqi people. It’s a relief to me, since the Blackwater commandos have yet to be charged in the US for any of their crimes. And yes, the Bush Administration not only opposed charging Blackwater employees with crimes, but also renewed their contract after those incidents. That just stuns me. I mean, really, just how badly do you have to fuck up to lose a government contract? I’m in the wrong industry, I swear.

Moving on. . .

Courtesy of this clip from The Daily Show:

A new book says that John McCain called his prettier-than-he-deserves wife a “c-word.” (There are some things that even I won’t say, and that word is one of them.)

Cindy McCain

Cindy McCain: kinda hot, once you adjust the scale with an age modifier

Way to lock up that crucial “men who don’t deserve their wives” vote, Senator McCain.

Speaking of “undeserved”. . .

“Terrorist fist-jab”? Because Obama gave his wife a fist-pound at a rally? What ignorant, stupid, fear-mongering, malicious airhead could possibly think that. . .

Oh wait, that came from Fox News. No surprise, then. In fact, it’s more of a surprise that the “fist-jab” wasn’t also linked to gang activity, being black, being gay, Vietnam, and the assassination of Abraham Lincoln. Fox News: the only true word in their motto (“Fair And Balanced”) is “and.”

Hey, guess what? The Taliban’s back! You know, the people we failed to crush thoroughly in Afghanistan before getting bogged down in Iraq? Gee, if only we had someone willing to “finish the job” in office. . .

Speaking of ugly heads being reared (and no, my neighbour is not taking his pants off again): Offshore drilling is back in the news, as Bush urges Congress to lift the bans on it, supported by McCain. It’s almost a step in the right direction, aimed at ending our dependence on foreign oil. But I’m voting for the guy that wants to end our dependence on oil entirely and fund alternative energy sources. We can do better than oil, no matter where it comes from.

And finally, from Defenders Of Wildlife: The powerful Safari Club International has sued the federal government to once again allow wealthy U.S. hunters to kill struggling polar bears in Canada — and bring their carcasses back as trophies.

What the fuck? What the hell did polar bears ever to do to people smart enough to stay out of their way? Who needs a polar bear rug or head on their wall as a fucking hunting trophy? Dear Safari Club, I have a better idea: If you’ll leave the damn bears alone, I promise I will donate my money, time, and biting wit towards supporting legislation that allows you to hunt the most dangerous game of all: other Safari Club members. Think about it: prey that can shoot back. Isn’t that extreme? Isn’t that exciting? They might not make very good throw rugs, but I have it on the authority of some German pen pals that live in Argentina and that human skin is good for making lampshades, ashtrays, cushion covers, and dresses (but the skin must be carefully treated with lotion first, preferably while still alive). This way, everybody’s happy, and the polar bears are left the fuck alone.

Whew! I’m caught up now, I think.

More vitriol and acerbic humour soon. . .

VS – 6.20.2008